Opinions and Beliefs

People are individuals with their own thoughts and opinions but rarely grow up with their own beliefs.  We learn our beliefs from our family of origin.  Sometimes a person takes on beliefs different than their family of origin when they marry somebody with different beliefs or if in the process of changing their own life, they realized they had to choose a different path in order to grow and thrive.  It is important to question our beliefs every once in a while, or we can find ourselves in humiliating situations.  It is important to attempt to discern the difference between belief and opinion.  It is important to see how we are manipulated to act, see, do, buy, vote, based on someone else’s opinion or belief system.  It is important to note that scoffing, ridiculing, or bullying, falls into the category of manipulation.  If you bully me to say what you want me to say, you haven’t convinced me of anything other than my fear of you.

“How do I look?”

That is a question asking for an opinion.

“Is there a God?”

That is a question asking for a belief.

“Did you see that fat angry black woman slap that poor innocent child?”

That is an inflammatory remark posed as a question.  Even if you didn’t see the incident, your mind conjures up the picture and you begin to create an opinion.   

The use of words to create an image is an awesome power to use.  But it is a power.  It is a power that mankind abuses daily in exactly the same manner that my anxious dog barks at nothing important.  It is full of “What if?”  I suggest that it is wiser to consider “What is?”  There are many more real issues in this world than any one person can absorb.  Our attention to what we can do about something is far more productive than our attention to what we can’t do. 

I remember once in hunting camp wearing a blaze orange sweatshirt sleeve as a hat because my hair was grubby.   I had said I was wearing it because I was vain and didn’t want anyone to see my hair.  One of the hunters looked at me and replied that I was the least vain person he’d ever met.  Clearly wearing a blaze orange sweatshirt sleeve was not a sign of vanity in his opinion.  His remark caused me to think both about the definition of vanity and the unattractiveness of blaze orange on me.  I was not offended because it wasn’t an offensive or inflammatory remark.  I can’t think of anything better anyone could have said that would have swayed my opinion as his did.  This is a personal experience with differing opinions.

The word vain is a contronym.  A contronym is a word with contradictory definitions.  “He is vain” is much different than “Everything she did was in vain.” 

I am pointing out that there is much depth to be found when you stop and consider what someone is saying.  I frequently stop listening when someone is spouting negative opinions, cliches, or inflammatory remarks, revolving around politics, race, or gender.  I frequently find myself listening closer when someone is actually expressing a belief system, telling about the facts as they experienced them, or showing me the ledgers.  Real belief is much deeper than opinion and it comes a lot closer to the heart of the matter at hand.  

I was raised (before I was 16) in a life style filled with opinionated people who used inflammatory words to control or sway others.  For example: Baptists aren’t good people because they believe that once you are saved you are always saved.  Catholics aren’t good because they dance and drink on Friday night and then go to church on Sunday, confess their sins, get forgiven, then go out and do it all again.

Both of those comments were intended to teach me that we are better than those people and our religion is better than theirs.  In truth, when I began to live my life in a different environment, I found that most people were more kind, forgiving, and loving, than the ones who were attempting to form my opinion.  They actually seemed more “Christian” to me.

In the Catholic Bible there are more books than in the Bible I grew up with.  Daniel, Chapter 13, (in the Apocrypha) tells of a lovely woman by the name of Susanna who was lusted after by two elders of the church.  They spied on her bathing in her garden.  They finally approached her and demanded her favor or they would tell her husband that she was unfaithful.  Susanna refused their advances.  They publicly accused her of infidelity with an unknown young man.  Because of their position and rank in the church they were believed and the crowd went wild wanting to stone her.   A man named Daniel interfered with the proceedings by shouting that the elders be questioned.  The elders were separated and each one asked in full view of the public what was the name of the tree the infidelity had taken place under.  Each elder named a different tree.  Susanna was proven innocent and freed.

How many of us jump into the fray because we were manipulated by a skillful orator?  How many times does our attraction to a person weaken our belief system or opinion in favor of theirs? How many times does our fear drive us to listen to, cling to, or support a powerful person simply because they are powerful?  How many times do we use meaningless clichés in our ordinary speech?  How often do we allow ourselves to become inflamed by the news?

It is not my intention to call people out on their opinion or their belief.  It is my intention, however, to question my own opinions and beliefs.  It is very important to me that I live what I believe and that I understand when my opinions are opinions and not facts.  It is important to me that I do not believe myself to be better than you because I think differently than you.  It is important to me that I remain grounded and clear thinking. 

I have had a number of experiences in my life that have caused me to be a deeper thinker, more compassionate, more tolerant, less critical, and less opinionated.  I began to list some of them here and then deleted them.  They are all packed with emotion which is not where we make our best decisions from.  When I started practicing compassion, tolerance, and less criticism on myself, I began to be happy, truly happy, even with deep grief, near poverty situations, and highly opinionated people who didn’t have my best interests in mind.  I don’t take it personally because obviously they don’t or they would not be sharing it with me (a person).  

I can say that as I have moved forward without giving up my home and property, slogging my way through debris, physical labor best suited to a younger woman, changing my perception of poverty into a perception of exceptional prosperity, I am drawing a different kind of person closer to me; the kind of person who is supportive regardless of my political views, the kind of person who is generous and accepts what I have to offer in return.  My circumstances have changed for the better because I’ve changed and grown due to personal experiences, not because I have been assimilated, converted or recruited. 

Carmen Davis