The First Thursday

Dear Readers,

The first Thursday of June passed without me even noticing it.  I still believe Mastermind Meetings to be very important.  I also am willing to admit that my chaos is not conducive to good meetings.  

Over the last month I've gone from sidling through a chaotic mess to shifting the chaos all over the place.  In the midst of this mess the Phoenix, who is me, is rising higher with more colorful plumage than ever.  As the grass grows taller and the flowers bloom, I am surrounded by a ragged but beautiful environment.  Twice I have forgotten that my riding lawn mower needs a battery.  I finally put that on my list today.

The restorers have finished their part of the job on my home and now it is my turn.  I have been sifting through years of accumulated junk for quite some time now.  As I toss the unknown things away, I vow not to accept other people's garbage.  That doesn't mean I wouldn't take a used bird bath or garden tools.  It means that I will remember not to accept truck loads of stuff that I cannot use and chainsaws that do not work.  I have forgotten how many times I have been brought stuff or been coerced to go pick up a load of stuff just because I really did want one item.  It has become abundantly clear that if I want a bottle to turn into a work of art, I can wait until I have the time to make the piece of art and then the bottle will appear.  No need to accumulate bottles for this purpose unless of course they are dynamic colors that I will not find easily.

It is possible that many other people would have been able to sort through this much more quickly than I have but I am putting that to one side and considering it like "keeping up with the Jones". I am not other people.  I am my own unique self with a vision for a long term solution not a quick fix.  I have participated in enough quick fixes here to have a deeper understanding of how it has left me bogged down with a "to do" list that mostly addresses repair and juggling possessions, not progress.

I have also come to realize that my vision can't be seen by others since it can't even be fully realized by myself.  That makes me laugh but I really am a learning, growing, person who is turning her dreams into reality.  I am not dependent on even one other human for my success.  I am also not held back by another human.  I don't have to get rid of something or modify myself to please somebody else.  I can take as much time as I need to make sure that everything I keep is available for me to use when I want to.  

For the first time ever, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.   It is an extremely long tunnel but instead of figuratively wading waist deep in sewage, against the current, I am now sitting in a boat with a trolling motor and there is a gentle breeze at my back. 

I am looking forward to your comments and hearing how you are changing your battles into harmony on your journey.  

Sincerely, Carmen

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